False Harmony

September 10, 2018

By Robert Pope

I was raised in a stereotypical Scandinavian home where conflict was discouraged. That impacted me in many ways and as I moved into adulthood, and thankfully, I was able to learn that conflict is actually very valuable and beneficial when it is done right.

Lorie was raised in a home where conflict was part of the culture. We married young and our opposite views in this area were a point of contention that caused us significant issues for many years. One of the sayings she passed along to me was, “Conflict is inevitable.”  I hated that quote but I have since learned that it is very true. She was right once again.

My preference was very simple – avoid conflict. Don’t talk about it, just stuff it!!! How dumb is that. When we act like everything is fine, we have false harmony. False harmony can definitely help buy peace in the short term but I paid for it in the mid and long term. Issues went unresolved. Unresolved issues are like a pile of fish guts – the longer that they are ignored, the tougher it is to get them cleaned up and get rid of the stink.

Over the years, I have learned that healthy conflict is a much better path. By engaging in conflict when things are still minor, huge problems can be avoided. When we let the issues fester, they only get bigger and tougher. Think of a garden that has become overrun with weeds………………………….

We have all experienced unhealthy conflict and we all know that option brings harm to all involved. I would guess that when some of you read that I was advocating for healthy conflict, your emotions screamed in protest. That is certainly very natural. So, just to be clear, healthy conflict is done in a way that seeks resolution and the intent is a win-win outcome. It is done in a respectful manner.

Since this blog is focused on the world of work, how does this shake out in the workplace? If we are going to have a healthy culture, we will reject false harmony and instead choose to be forthright and bring matters into the open. If we have built a foundation of trust, we will have the ability to work through the tough stuff with our colleagues.

What is one issue you need to address in a forthright manner – today?